Hard Times

Why is it that lately Ive been snapping easier. Its like there is sometimes no trust or communication between us. I wish it wasn't like this and when I try to rectify the situation but it works to no avail. I just want to punch a wall sometimes. I feel like I don't do enough or I just make the questions be raised on how I feel. It hurts a lot inside me and I don't know how to handle this and what not and it doesn't help me out. I feel as if I get angry more sometimes for the things that are done more then the things that aren't done. Im sorry I snapped at you when you were on my comp. Its just one of those things I guess. Its not like I dont have trust in you its just I don't know I guess I am ashamed of some of the things that are there. I guess because I am facinated by weird things but this is just me. Its who I am. If I don't understand things I try to find out why they are the way that they are.

So I am a big fuck up around here. What else is new.

Trust: A Rant

Some would call this a staple in a relationship. Most believe is it and it proves true all the time that it is. Its somewhat hard for me to trust people but it's not like I dont try. I am very insecure about my feelings and I hope for the best when it comes down to it. I can also become a very jealous person but thats another story for another day. I guess what I am trying to say is sometimes people have a hard time learning to trust someone or just overcoming their fears of the past. Sometimes I wonder how it works out in the end of the people. How do they learn how to cope with each other and trust one another unconditionally? Its something I would like to know but this is how the world goes. Its one of those things. So yeah I dunno. This is just a rant of a post with no necessary meaning but oh well.

Why is this?

That people can never see the adverse affects of a person who cares about them when all they do is yell at everyone about every little problem that they have? For some people they want to become the person who they are talking about. Usally a mean hateful person who doesn't give 2 shits about the problems they are facing. Its like they are never good enough for the person and when someone comes along and tries to help it seems that all they do is make the situation worse for the depressed person. Why does the world have to be like this? There is no point on why people should be so hateful to another in this situation. Its not like they killed someone in their family or their pet or stole money from them. I guess this post will fall on deaf ears but oh well. In the end it makes me feel a little better about myself for getting these things out into the somewhat public eye.

The better while most think its for the worse. Anymore i just want to know one thing. How many times do you have to hit bottom before you realize whats wrong

Its funny how the way things go turn out and happen. A person can go from happy to depressed in 5 mins or less if the situatiob desires it. As some say its for

I feel Great.

Well I told my mom how I really feel about some things and I feel a lot better. Mind you it was a bit stressful. Also in my Math class I have been feeling really confident for some weird reason. Also Im pretty excited because I am finally taking care of things for once in my life and ready to get my whole life on track and ston being the big slacker I have always known to be for myself. I am trying to update this blog on a more constant basis but with me trying to get more GS and such it take a toll on other time. also with school and just not thinking about the good things to write about till I get home and I am like WTF was I thinking about at work. DAMN IT!! Cause the post would have sounded so good. But the backlog work is in progress. If you have no idea what I am talking about lets put it this way.

I have over 50+ Xbox 360 Games. I have played maybe half of those and not completed them. Now I'm finally going to go back and start playing thru this long teedious and bad games. #1 on the list PREY!! OMG there isn't much I can say for this game aside how funny everything is in it. And at least when i am doing this there's a positive side of all of this. I raise my Completion % and such and in the end this gives me a reason for using the other Xbox I picked up a couple months ago. Rockstar Table Tennis ^_^ Enemy Territory Quake Wars ^_^ just to name a couple off.

I think this was a short post but I felt the urge and need to do it so Its like that. Cause were going to HIT IT LIKE THIS!!! And Im 100$ serious about this.

Because You Want The Truth? You Can't Handle The Truth.

Does Life Always Seem This Way.

Ever seem as if you don't do anything right in your life. Your family is hating on something your always doing or going to do no matter how hard you try? You just don't seem to care about anything and not dwell on things going on in your life because you dont want to think about the negaitive things that happen in it? If so welcome to my wonderful life. Most of the time anymore it just seems like bleh. People are always pissing me off or aggrivating me for the most retarded reasons and I just blow up at someone without even putting thought to it. I guess this is a bad way to be. I wouldn't know though this is nothing new in my life I would guess. It seems like I want to let people get close to me but when I do it's like I have to do something to try to push them back away. Not like I try to do these things. It just happens.

On another note. 78K has fallen and finished up a couple games and such. Nothing too fancy. But its at least something going on. Been stuck playing GoW2 or MvC2 pretty good games IMO just sucking at the both of them right now. I never thought i would be able to adjust to this laptop keyboard but hell i think ive managed pretty well to type on it pretty quickly although its a flat based thing instead of a normal keyboard. Babe just want to let you know I love you and don't know what I would do without you. Hope you had a fun time with me today at the fair =)