Wow Its Finally Here BUT WHO FUCKING CARED!

Well today is my Birthday yippie fucking doo. I was born at 5:16 22 years ago today. YAY!! And it seems since then I have a shitty birthday every other year. Well surprising today was no different then following the trend. I guess it was an ok day. Heh i think Ok would be like putting lipstick on a pig and calling it a lady. It was more like a shitty day since I went to sleep and woke up after I had to get new tags for my car. About the only positve there was that the line was short. Then i went home and showered it was alright there. So I went to the hospital. No it wasnt for me but for my woman's baby. Didnt bother me aside the fact that I hate kids and Hospitals even more. My dad calls wondering if he can drop the check off at my grandparents for my bday (Suprising its always a check. Never can give me cash) That would make a whole hella lot of sense.) But turns out we didnt have to even head down there in the 1st place since everything is normal.

So we leave there and head toward The Andersons to get some Land Of Lakes White American cheese. Wow shocking how we get there and it seems like they have discontinued it. Big shocker there since my whole days been like that. Just setting me up for failures all fucking day but nothing new in my life. But at least I got some different kind of beer there which was interesting all in all. Some local brewed beer I think.

But thats nothing till I get back to her house and my grandparents are calling me bitching because Im not there when my dad shows up. Honestly WHO THE FUCK CARES. He's never there for me since what happened 9 years ago. Its something thats a sore topic and something Ill never forget in my life and I vouch to never let that happen to me or anyone I know. Ever. But getting yelled at by people makes it all so much better. I just wanted to go thru the phone and rip their fucking heads off for being such a fucking pain in my ass.

So All in all I end up going over there anyway to get some things for my mom and get what he dropped off. Picked up a card from my grandparents and got the check from them that my dad left. End up getting yelled at by her for not showing up and such, Of that made my fucking day. Its my fucking birthday and im getting the 3rd fucking degree. Then I get home and my mom flips out cause I am one minute late. That one minute I spent in the driveway talking to her. But thats nothing new. Shes being more of a spazz of late. Its just getting to the point of annoyance.

Long story short in the end cause this is already long. I get yelled at my mom and grandparents for not picking up the GOD FORSAKEN PHONE!! LIKE WTF EVERY DAMN PERSON I KNOW KNOWS I DONT PICK UP MY PHONE. I keep it on low for a damn good reason. I DONT WANT TO TALK TO PEOPLE. I love my mom yelling at me cause my grandma is yelling at her because I wont pick up my phone. So when I call my grandma 1st oh it feels like the heavens are raining down on me. Fucking screaming and yelling at me because I didnt see my dad and so he knows i got the check he left. Yeah like they are going to take it. Then I call my mom and get the 5th degree because she called her bitching. Let me put it to you this way. I DONT FUCKING CARE IF YOU LIKE THE MAN I KNOW YOU WERE MARRIED TO HIM BUT FOR FUCKS SAKE I DONT GIVE 2 SHITS ABOUT WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY!!! All i wanted to do was fucking go out to dinner with the woman but it seems thats impossible to do on my bday. Of couse its impossible. Then her mom sends a message saying the babys hungry so I just said to hell with it and took her home trying to make the day better. Of course it just makes it worse. Gave my mom the money back and refused to talk to her. As far as i know she went to sleep and I became a moaping mess on the couch.
Then I came back here an its taken me almost 4o mins to write this post. But its going to be the longest one of one of the worst days of my life and the sadness that goes with it.

How Should I Feel?

Well the woman had her baby the 14th. Didnt know or anything just found this all out tonight. Made for an interesting silence of anything if anything. So far I've seen her but and I just don't know what to say. Its just like I am at a loss of words on what to say and do anymore. I understand this is a big uphill battle and one of the greatest I think I'll ever battle in my life. Its like I want to do something but I am unsure on what I can do on that same hand. As I sit here and watch Red Eye as I do during the week I can't seem to find a reason to laugh and its all funny to me like it is every night. I know I am not a heartless bastard as most see to make me out to be. And with another of my Ex'es last night telling me oh yeah I never loved you. I was only with you because I didn't think anyone would love me. I guess this shouldnt bother me but at that same time it just feels weird to be sorta used in that same sense. This world is a very weird place I guess and I am just a small pawn in this big thing we call life. Hell you know its bad when I haven't whored any Xbox games for over a week due to being depressed about things that I can't control. Well things such as the woman and the kid and not being able to see her and when I did I lost it, then she leaves for four days. It makes it hard on the body at least for me, a person who doesnt know how to deal with their problems. I follow her around and I want to say something but on that same hand Its like I lose all will to speak and say anything although I know what I want to say. Its like some people say "Cat's got your tongue but in this case I dont have a tongue or balls to even say anything when I want to. She knows that i care about her and that this situation is very hard on me. But the biggest question is will I be able to handle this. I guess all I want is a hug but I am unable to get one it seems. But on the other hand I just hope she liked the flowers I got for her while I was thinking about her at work. She says she likes them but who knows women can lie about things they do and dont like. I guess I should quit rambling on about the hell or what you want to call this rant and ramble thats going on in my life.

Its not like anyones going to read this anyway. Just in the same sense that no one cares about anything that happens in my life.

This week sucks so far.

Well it just seems that the wall are just going to keep falling down around me. Hell once I beat NCAA March Madness 08 and then I just lost my gaming again. I have like no desire to play anything anymore. Its like what the hell is wrong with me. I know deep down inside and let the person know how I felt. Took a lot to come out and say but when it comes down on deaf ears I guess it doesn't matter. I break 55K which is half way to my goal and it's like why the fuck do I care. Not like there's a reason for it or something. But it's sad that I can't seem to be happy and be able to do something at the same time. I guess I'm just not meant to be happy. And thats how its going to be.

I hate people sometimes.

Man I should post more on here. Need to stop being lazy er...Forgetting to post on here. But after realizing some things I deal with some of the dumbest people I believe are alive when it comes to anything out side of the box. Which then again is pretty much everything in their little small worlds. With one friend going to chase a guy that she is "in love" with just has me reflecting on past experiences with my cousin and when she decided to be a tool and chase a guy all the way out to Arizona. Well that didn't turn out well for the either of them. He never went to class and now they have a kid. But all that is well that ends well....I suppose. I guess it also bothers me that she's saying I am going down there for a week so I can see if I enjoy living down there. Im sorry I know as well as anyone else, if your going somewhere to see if your going to like living there and your only going to be a week. That doesn't say whether or not your going to like it down there living. I for one know that. I guess its just one of those things where I have the feeling I am going to have to do some damage control since the guy is a complete tool.

Man....Updates Im Lazy.

So lately nothing has been going on >_> WHAT A SHOCKER!! O_O. But anyway I guess thats how its supposed to be anymore. Lately it seems so boring that there is no really good game thats out to play. Well aside Super Street Fighter on my Xbox. Big shocker there since I have never really gotten into a fighting game. So I finished WALL-E made me sorta happy. And since then nothing in the gaming world has gone down. Hell not even a good movie I have wanted to watch, well maybe Role Models. But otherwise I haven't head of anything else I wold want to watch. Then again Hell when do I have time to watch movies. Well....I guess I have a lot of free time I just never watch movies for some reason. And at least I got my loans all caught up. Made me feel a lot better and not even stressed about the whole situation. Pretty relaxing and shocking which is interesting. Hell its pretty funny when I even have a twitter now. And well shit less then an hour to go before Red Eye is going to be on ^_^ and we get to hear about teh Gregalog. Some funny stuff there but the sad thing is there is some seriousness all in all there. But I guess Im done here but leaving people on this one last note.

Why do people answer their phones when their sleeping? I mean wouldn't you think not answer it or put it on silent so you don't have to worry about it waking you up in the middle of the night? Or is that function on a phone put there for no reason at all so people can just sit and wonder what they are going to use it for. But all in alll it makes people wonder deep down inside if there really is someone out there who would give a shit when the person is sleeping. But people don't understand this concept.