When I stop being Lazy

There will be more blog posts. Im in somewhat of a slump in gaming. Got Bully and started grinding some GS out of it. Might I say its one of the better open world, Sandbox games I have played. Lot of fun just not really repetitive. The stuff is different in what you do. Well some of the quests and such. And going to class. Also got some of my items from a couple Low Ball Auctions I have bought some things. Picked up a Prey and Assassin's Creed for 17 shipped not a bad deal. But I also picked up some things from the Gamestop Game Days sale. Decent deals. Got the Namco Musuem collection and such. Haven't even played it. Also Picked up GH Aerosmith, and Command and Conquer 3 Kane's Wrath. All were sealed aside the Namco which was gutted /sigh. Sorta sucked but I knew I wsa going to play it.

Yesterday was pretty fun. Isaac's Mamma got married which was pretty fun to go to and have around. My mom was being an annoyance like only she knows how anymore since I am like never home but what more can I ask. During the ceremony i was thinking hell that will be me in some years. Waiting on my soon to be wife who was sitting next to me. Made me feel some emotions inside and get a little choked up but for the most part I was able to distract myself. And just that whole day was a lot of fun I guess because I never thought much about weddings and such since the last one I went to was years ago. Like 4-6 Years ago and I didnt tend to think long term. I guess I was just biding my time. But my woman was looking stunning and Im glad shes mine. I think after all is said and done its all good every day for me. Maybe this is the drive I might need to get a gaming day grinded out. Or a quick game.

Life is.....So Wonderful and Joyous

Ever been sad and depressed and know why but your too afraid to talk about it? Hell that's how I feel about 90% of the time when I show my emotions. People ask me whats wrong but Im just at a loss of words to say something and I feel when I do its not going to be what they want to hear. Although I tend to be blunt with people it doesn't matter when or help the situation with myself. I guess I feel bad because of the situation. Im sorry I have problems talking about my feelings and such. I feel bad because the woman thinks its her fault but in all fairness its not at all. Its just me when I start thinking about things. I guess I just want to be held when im this sad. Its like its a mix of everything hitting me. But on the same note I just want to get out of the funk. I guess I'll feel better in a couple hours when this is all said and done. And to think about this all, I wanted to be more upbeat on this blog...Oh well guess theres my next post for this.

An Xbox Live Update For Anyone Reading

This was posted on my 360voice blog and im too lazy before work to come up with another post so Imma be a lazy ass and here it is MUHAHAHAHAHA

Well I haven't done one of these in a while. So yeah. Lately Im slowly inching closer to the 1% badge on 360 voice..Ill have it someday if my completionist habits can stop for a little while. I think thats going to happen now until I get that badge. I hope >_> I got a new phone today. Hell I dont even know what its called right now at the moment. Pretty bad isn't? But lately been boosting with Faff, Ichya, and hopefully Zero and I can get my 100 Hr achievement on C&C 3 then I can put that down for a while. Also was working on the Texas Hold 'Em Achievement for getting all the hands..Only the Royal Flush to go sigh. Then also been working just started on the Zombie Genocidist for Left 4 Dead. Made about 12-14k Zombie kills today. Boy do I love my Play and Charge. But for now. Thats all I have for now. Remember if your looking to boost in something I prolly have send me a FR and a message.

FUCK!

Just one word can describe how Im feeling right now. Wow week of my Birthday and oh wow its been on to remember this week so far. Aside my girlfriend getting me a kickass Jinx hoodie I think its been like a completely wasted fucking week. It seems like everything that can go wrong has gone wrong. It just pisses me off to the point of no end right now. I understand people want to spend time with me but on the same hand I don't if your ex is going to be coming over in a couple hours. Trust me thats all I had planned I wanted to do today. I didn't even want to play my Xbox.. Hell I brought over my work shirt and pants just so I could spend some more time with you. I know i left my pillow and such. Its just you know how I feel about certain things. What doesnt help is the idiotic Asian girl I know who would fucking lose her head if it wasnt attached. You tell the stupid shit something before she leaves and then says "Oh you never told me that" BULLFUCKING SHIT I FUCKING TOLD YOU BEFORE YOU WENT TO TEXAS TO SEE THE STUPID MOTHERFUCKER THAT CHEATED ON YOUR STUPID ASS WHILE YOU WERE HERE!!! But Jason knows nothing about anything. Of course not. Im just a fucking moron in this piece of shit place. I never know what I am talking about ever.... -_- Then your going to hang up on me just because Im getting loud with you. Remember NOT YELLING GETTING FUCKING LOUD. Because Im already in a pissed off mood and your doing nothing to help me from being that pissed the fuck off because of how much you have your head shoved up your ass? Seriously now.

But after writing this I feel a little better but I am still pissed off but not as bad as I was when I 1st started this. Oh and Happy Fucking April Fool's Day. Fucking bullshit of a piece of shit day. Who ever came up with this day need's shot. And shot again so we all know he is dead.

FYI: Babe I love you but you know how I feel about a lot of things. And why I left.

Wow Its Finally Here BUT WHO FUCKING CARED!

Well today is my Birthday yippie fucking doo. I was born at 5:16 22 years ago today. YAY!! And it seems since then I have a shitty birthday every other year. Well surprising today was no different then following the trend. I guess it was an ok day. Heh i think Ok would be like putting lipstick on a pig and calling it a lady. It was more like a shitty day since I went to sleep and woke up after I had to get new tags for my car. About the only positve there was that the line was short. Then i went home and showered it was alright there. So I went to the hospital. No it wasnt for me but for my woman's baby. Didnt bother me aside the fact that I hate kids and Hospitals even more. My dad calls wondering if he can drop the check off at my grandparents for my bday (Suprising its always a check. Never can give me cash) That would make a whole hella lot of sense.) But turns out we didnt have to even head down there in the 1st place since everything is normal.

So we leave there and head toward The Andersons to get some Land Of Lakes White American cheese. Wow shocking how we get there and it seems like they have discontinued it. Big shocker there since my whole days been like that. Just setting me up for failures all fucking day but nothing new in my life. But at least I got some different kind of beer there which was interesting all in all. Some local brewed beer I think.

But thats nothing till I get back to her house and my grandparents are calling me bitching because Im not there when my dad shows up. Honestly WHO THE FUCK CARES. He's never there for me since what happened 9 years ago. Its something thats a sore topic and something Ill never forget in my life and I vouch to never let that happen to me or anyone I know. Ever. But getting yelled at by people makes it all so much better. I just wanted to go thru the phone and rip their fucking heads off for being such a fucking pain in my ass.

So All in all I end up going over there anyway to get some things for my mom and get what he dropped off. Picked up a card from my grandparents and got the check from them that my dad left. End up getting yelled at by her for not showing up and such, Of that made my fucking day. Its my fucking birthday and im getting the 3rd fucking degree. Then I get home and my mom flips out cause I am one minute late. That one minute I spent in the driveway talking to her. But thats nothing new. Shes being more of a spazz of late. Its just getting to the point of annoyance.

Long story short in the end cause this is already long. I get yelled at my mom and grandparents for not picking up the GOD FORSAKEN PHONE!! LIKE WTF EVERY DAMN PERSON I KNOW KNOWS I DONT PICK UP MY PHONE. I keep it on low for a damn good reason. I DONT WANT TO TALK TO PEOPLE. I love my mom yelling at me cause my grandma is yelling at her because I wont pick up my phone. So when I call my grandma 1st oh it feels like the heavens are raining down on me. Fucking screaming and yelling at me because I didnt see my dad and so he knows i got the check he left. Yeah like they are going to take it. Then I call my mom and get the 5th degree because she called her bitching. Let me put it to you this way. I DONT FUCKING CARE IF YOU LIKE THE MAN I KNOW YOU WERE MARRIED TO HIM BUT FOR FUCKS SAKE I DONT GIVE 2 SHITS ABOUT WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY!!! All i wanted to do was fucking go out to dinner with the woman but it seems thats impossible to do on my bday. Of couse its impossible. Then her mom sends a message saying the babys hungry so I just said to hell with it and took her home trying to make the day better. Of course it just makes it worse. Gave my mom the money back and refused to talk to her. As far as i know she went to sleep and I became a moaping mess on the couch.
Then I came back here an its taken me almost 4o mins to write this post. But its going to be the longest one of one of the worst days of my life and the sadness that goes with it.

How Should I Feel?

Well the woman had her baby the 14th. Didnt know or anything just found this all out tonight. Made for an interesting silence of anything if anything. So far I've seen her but and I just don't know what to say. Its just like I am at a loss of words on what to say and do anymore. I understand this is a big uphill battle and one of the greatest I think I'll ever battle in my life. Its like I want to do something but I am unsure on what I can do on that same hand. As I sit here and watch Red Eye as I do during the week I can't seem to find a reason to laugh and its all funny to me like it is every night. I know I am not a heartless bastard as most see to make me out to be. And with another of my Ex'es last night telling me oh yeah I never loved you. I was only with you because I didn't think anyone would love me. I guess this shouldnt bother me but at that same time it just feels weird to be sorta used in that same sense. This world is a very weird place I guess and I am just a small pawn in this big thing we call life. Hell you know its bad when I haven't whored any Xbox games for over a week due to being depressed about things that I can't control. Well things such as the woman and the kid and not being able to see her and when I did I lost it, then she leaves for four days. It makes it hard on the body at least for me, a person who doesnt know how to deal with their problems. I follow her around and I want to say something but on that same hand Its like I lose all will to speak and say anything although I know what I want to say. Its like some people say "Cat's got your tongue but in this case I dont have a tongue or balls to even say anything when I want to. She knows that i care about her and that this situation is very hard on me. But the biggest question is will I be able to handle this. I guess all I want is a hug but I am unable to get one it seems. But on the other hand I just hope she liked the flowers I got for her while I was thinking about her at work. She says she likes them but who knows women can lie about things they do and dont like. I guess I should quit rambling on about the hell or what you want to call this rant and ramble thats going on in my life.

Its not like anyones going to read this anyway. Just in the same sense that no one cares about anything that happens in my life.

This week sucks so far.

Well it just seems that the wall are just going to keep falling down around me. Hell once I beat NCAA March Madness 08 and then I just lost my gaming again. I have like no desire to play anything anymore. Its like what the hell is wrong with me. I know deep down inside and let the person know how I felt. Took a lot to come out and say but when it comes down on deaf ears I guess it doesn't matter. I break 55K which is half way to my goal and it's like why the fuck do I care. Not like there's a reason for it or something. But it's sad that I can't seem to be happy and be able to do something at the same time. I guess I'm just not meant to be happy. And thats how its going to be.