Well Now that 1% of the Population (US) That is..

That now hates me I guess its time for a blog post. Today is my Grandpa's birthday. YAY!! Sad though he thinks he might have the flu or at least thats what everyone else is thinking. I think my gf hates me. Or im just the biggest piece of shit even known to man. I do a lot of questionable things that i guess dont make her happy and I guess i need to learn how to stop doing the things that I do no matter how hard they are for me to stop. It will be better in the long run i hope. Hell anymore I dont know what I should do. I feel like I somewhat hold her back from something. I know she has a kid and a prior engagement and as of late i feel like Ive been forcing her to push her off on someone else. Which is the worst thing I can do. Hell I love her soo deeply I want to break down into tears every time i think about her leaving me or something happening to her. She doesnt think shes good enough but in all reality shes the best a guy like me could have. She the best for her family and her mother. If anything I try to do the best I can but it seems I never can or will be able to although she tells me all the time that I do soo much for her already.
I know you'll read this soon I hope and realize that I honestly hate myself and want to change but its hard. I jsut want to be there for you and thats how this goes. But I dont think Im good enough. I dont want to flirt or be with anyone or any other girl. I guess I get a little too friendly for your liking and thats how this happens. Im sorry Im a fucked up person. You should know also im not bored all the time and you dont bore me. Its just the 1st thing that pops into my mind.

Right now I just want to break down into tears but where would that get me. I wish right now this hellish thing that is my life would end. Since I cant do anything right and Im nothing more then one big fuck up.

Baby I'm Sorry
I dont realize what I have
Thats so great inside of you
That keeps that flame and train
Lit and rolling
I hope you read this
And understand
Im no better then anyone
And prolly the worst out there.


I need to stop supressing things. Its def not good for me or anyone else.